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Time to Play: Swing States

From Jonathan Rapaport, Daddy Confidential
Play Forum Guest Blogger on May 22nd, 2012
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Our latest source of marital friction stems from my wife’s desire for a swing set.

Rather, it started out as a swing set, then morphed into a jungle gym. Now the plans include a sand pit, cargo net, monkey bars, catwalk, turrets, and slide. Basically, my wife wants to turn our back yard into a jihadi training camp.

I just want to hang a tire swing from a stout tree branch and call it a day. Does that make me the most un-fun dad since Captain Von Trapp? Possibly.

“© Gorilla Playsets. All Rights Reserved.

The wife and I are ideological opposites when it comes to our toddler son’s needs. I grew up believing toys were only given on special occasions – birthdays, Christmas, the removal of one’s braces or appendix.

Sure there were other opportunities for presents. Maybe when dad returned from a business trip, he’d make a big production out of a hastily purchased airport gift, like a snow globe. Or a beer stein.

Then there’s my wife, who will buy our son anything on the flimsiest pretext. ¿Son eats a crayon? His artistic impulse warrants an art set and easel. ¿Son empties kitchen drawer of dish towels and pot holders? Clearly, she insists, he needs a play kitchen.

The swing set issue is tough because I am opposed on both aesthetic and philosophical grounds. Aren’t jungle gyms an eyesore? And don’t kids lose interest after awhile anyway?

Granted my friends say that aesthetically, I’m fairly anal. (I prefer “fastidious.”) It’s true that I neaten up our home before and after the cleaning lady comes.

Philosophically, I’m taking sort of a Rocky IV, back-to-basics approach. Instead of a state-of-the-art gym facility, I want my son climbing trees, fording streams and generally improvising his own obstacles.

My wife says to stop inferring parenting techniques from pop culture films. I say, Hakuna matada. But she may have a point. Perhaps I need to solicit guidance from parents who’ve “been there.” (Um, that’s your cue, internet.)

So lay it on me. Do kids quickly lose interest in their backyard swing sets? Or do they frolic and cavort like otters, perpetually testing the limits of imagination and play?

Should we try and have the best of both worlds, and give a jungle gym as an elaborate gift to our neighbors?… even though their kids are in college? And if we go the tire swing route, is it ever possible to get rid of the rainwater that sloshes around the bottom? I hate that.

As always with our disagreements, we need to achieve balance. Of course, my wife would respond that if it’s balance I’m after, we should really throw in a see-saw.

Comments

  • Bethnjerve77

    I am all for the swing set! Make sure the sand area is securely covered otherwise you will have w giant Kitty litter box. Kids play on a swing set much longer than you would think. It will be entertainment for every kid that comes over. As for the water, take a towel outside and dry it off. :)

  • Snuff

    Okay so at 8 almost 9 my children still use their swingset. Follow these rules –

    1 – get a decent one because in the end it won’t be the eyesore you think it is – creative playthings have great options and you can always start small and add on.

    2 – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO INSTALL ON YOUR OWN.  It is worth every penny to have it installed especially if you value your marriage.  It sounds like a good idea to install it on your own but really IT ISN’T.

  • j.vo

    i am of two minds.  part of me thinks it would be awesome to have a swingset.  our neighbors have one and it’s heavily used by both their son and the neighborhood kids.  so i don’t think that getting bored of it is much of an issue.  it does however look a little dingy at this point.  of course it could be that they do no upkeep at all or it could mean that wooden swingsets just look crappy after a while.  another reason i’d think twice about getting one is that i’m a worrier.  i’d be terrified that my daughter or one of her friends would get hurt.  but that’s not really the swingset’s fault.  that’s my brain’s fault.

  • Sarah

    convince the neighbors to get one that your kid can play on

  • E.

    You’re such a city boy… just drill a hole in the bottom of the tire.

  • Michele Haytko

    Your wife and I would be friends on the swingset, but, like you, I’m not a gift all the time person.  We transformed part of our backyard into a kid area (complete with those $8 a bag #*&%*% recycled tire pellet mulch pieces that playgrounds use… I still dont know what I’ll do when my kids no longer need a ground with a 4 foot fall rating, but whatever).  We picked up some of the ‘will survive a nuclear war’ plastic playground stuff (including a swing set with climbing wall) off of Craigslist).  Given, we’ve lived here since the kids were 14 months old and they will be 3 in September, so who only knows what they will be like when they are 6 or 10, but for now, they love it.  We still go to local parks, but we host a weekly playgroup and, according to the other moms/kids in the neighborhood, our place “rocks” and is the “most awesome” place for kids.  So, if you reputation thrives on other toddlers thinking of you as cool (hey, I’ll take “cool” where I can get it!), go ahead and turn your backyard into a training zone. At the least, you’ll get to knock out some of the grass!

  • Alicia H

    My husband and I have the same argument – he says a swingset will ruin the yard and we can always just bring the kids down the street to the playground. I say that the swingset would be great because then we won’t have to take the kids anywhere and who cares about the yard? Clearly, we don’t care about it because our yard is always scorched by the end of July anyway. As for your argument, I think a swingset would stimulate imaginative play rather than stifle it.

  • Jennb

    Yes you need it!!! Here is the thing about obnoxious bright colored over priced back yard equipment:
    1) No travel for fun! It makes life easy!  One turn of the door and your child is outside playing to his hearts content.
    2) You’ll always have a birds eye view of your child in the comfort of your home.
    3) No need to deal with over crowded playgrounds with obnoxious children and parents.
    4) Easy access to exhausting your child during those very high energy hours when you want to pull your hair out!
    5) Instant entertainment for your child and their friends while you put your feet up on the chaise.
    6) There aren’t any time limitations, you can send your child outside anytime of any day to play.

    And, yes, your child will lose interest, and it will get old & rusty but isn’t that with every toy purchased these days, big or small?  The solution- you sell it or give it away and buy the next best age appropriate thing….. like a huge trampoline!

    And about the gift thing… so old fashioned.  Enjoy showering your kid with the awesome products that are out there.  Of course don’t go over board a spoiled child is an annoying adult.  But as a mom I love buying cool things for my kids and experiencing there joy!

  • Dan

    I’m with you on both accounts.  In fact, I think both topics are related.  As a young kid, I remember having Lincoln logs and my gray and green army men.  I would play with them anytime it rained, making up my own games, which always ended up with the Lincoln logs getting destroyed and the green guy who crawled on his belly with the sniper rifle saving the day.  When it wasn’t raining, I was outside playing with my friends.  It didn’t matter what – throwing rocks into the water, riding our bikes in a construction zone, bouncing a raquet ball off of a wall, playing steet hockey, building forts with my neighbor’s father’s lobster traps, and of course climbing trees to get those wormy crabapples to throw at each other while making up games using the lobster trap forts.  Giving toys for everything from trying to go potty to ate all the mac & cheese is SOOO not my thing, but yet I find myself cleaning up all of those toys that my wife gives our kids regularly, not just when the cleaner comes.

    As for the swingset, that is just an extension of the first problem.  We don’t need to direct kids’ play like we think we need to.  Send them outside to play, and you’ll find them making up all sorts of games, using their imagination and learning to entertain themselves.  I never had a case of the “bored’s” because I knew how to entertain myself.  Sure you’ll have to run around the yard cleaning up the sticks, putting your lobster traps back into stacks, etc., but that will definitely be worth it.  If you give them a swingset, it will get forgotten, run down and become an eyesore.  And eventually, it will become dangerous and become another thing on your honey-do list that you have to deal with.

    Don’t give in.  Our yards are our sanctuaries as guys, at least for me.  Take the kids to the park for the swingset.

    • DaddyConfidential

      If it weren’t for the conspicuous absence of lobster traps in my childhood, I’d say we grew up together, Dan. That is exactly how I played as a kid, down to hurling crabapples and playing in construction zones. (While I’ll concede that crabapples sting… they do build character!)

      Thanks for articulating our contrarian viewpoint so evocatively :-J

  • Alexa Kim

    I say get the swingset but also make another baby. Kids play more when they have a playmate. 

  • Hflifemom

    I get what you’re saying, but I have to say I think I’m probably pro-swingset.  Growing up, we gravitated to the neighbors’ backyards to play on their swings.  A swingset was a huge treat back then since most homes just had a grass yard, a few trucks, and a pile of dirt to play in.  Granted, we grew up in a more organic way but we also got into more trouble.  At least one kid in every family (that didn’t thave a swingset)  broke a window with a ball, started a tiny little fire with daddy’s matches, or decided to ride the neighbor’s big dog like it was a pony (my brother did this one).  Neighbors today don’t take as kindly to these antics.

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